Asymptotes

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Absurd
Comedy
New Writing

Text in:

he(Partial) Text in::he English

 An absurd comedy for four actors set in a very financial world… The man finds out that he is suffering from TOS (Terminal Overdraft Syndrome) and is about to die. His wife, who dreams about going to Australia, manages to find a doctor who will perform an innovative money transplant and transform the man, against his will, to the richest man alive.

The characters

Female:1 Male:3 Total:4

Translations

English, Turkish

 English translation by Ido Setter.

Turkish translation by Ayşe Meltem Tekeli.

Productions

Not performed yet

Quotes

 MAN: How much?
TELLER: Between three and half to four weeks.
MAN: Four weeks...
TELLER: Three and a half.
MAN: That's it... (the TELLER does not respond) But how can it be?
TELLER: It's basic arithmetic. You take what you have in your account, add your future income and then divide it by your expected expenses. Then you divide the quotient by seven: the integer is the number of weeks, and the remainder is the number of days. It's a pretty simple calculation, even if you didn't study Mathematics. Did you study Mathematics? (the MAN does not respond) Didn't think so. Don't see it on your face.
MAN: I... I've been saving money all my life. Pension... funds... insurance...
TELLER: Irrelevant.
MAN: I'll get a raise. Something big. I'll sell my car. My apartment. Everything I got.
TELLER: Won't help. Even if you get a raise, and even if you sell everything, and even if you get the best prices the market has to offer, and even if you manage to do that on time – you'll still have only three and a half weeks to live. That's the decision made by your bank account. It's not a figure of speech, by the way. Our bank accounts are capable of making such binary decisions. Do understand. The global economical situation is complicated. Prices go up. Life's hard. Etcetera etcetera.
MAN: (stands up) And then what?
TELLER: Most of the people go to sleep and don't wake up. As if the body knows it's useless. The headlines in the newspapers say “Passed away after a long struggle with a grave illness”. They don't want the public to panic.

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